After abortion: women tell us 

Mae

"I was told that I would be out for 8 minutes and I would feel only a little discomfort afterwards (they lied, it ruined 10 years of my life). Surgery - (that's what they call it). They put us on gurneys and put us through like cattle on a conveyer belt. So sad. They never explained anything about the procedure or let me see the baby. They gave me no alternatives and never mentioned how killing my baby would affect me emotionally."

 Margaret

"Panic in my heart. Knowing it was too late. What have I done? What kind of person could do this? I want it all to do over, Please God. Obsessed with how old my child would be - what he looked like, if he forgave me. Hatred for myself, for being weak. Anger at boyfriend for not being a white knight and saying "it's all going to be o.k., I love you, I will love this baby, together we'll make it work.

Now, I cried hysterically most times and my arms would ache so terribly from agonising to hold that child that I'd hug a teddy bear just to have something there. An abortion can take your baby from your body but never from your heart."

Lisa

"It helped me to seek the face of Jesus through His word and He has turned my sorrow into joy. Please understand that by aborting your unborn child that does not make the baby go away. Your baby will be in your heart until you die. After abortion - the guilt and shame and loneliness is horrible. Once you abort, you cannot go back and change it."

Stephanie

"I can share that as a result of that abortion it has been difficult for me to get pregnant or carry a baby to term. Now at the age of 39 my husband and I are still in hopes that one day we will bear children. I remember coming out of the anesthesia and being in tremendous pain, lots of severe cramping. I moaned and groaned because of the discomfort and the nurse kept coming by and telling me to shut-up the noise.

The pain was so intense that I began vomiting. I was deceived because I was not told the truth about what an abortion means to the life of an unborn baby. I was not told that there were other options. I was not told that at 10 weeks (which is when I had my abortion) my child was already fully formed. I was made to believe that I was doing something that was as natural as going to the dentist for teeth cleaning.

But there will come a time when you will regret not knowing the joy of raising your child. There is always a reminder of what kind of person your child would have been."

Michaelene

"Abortion appeared to be the only answer. At the clinic I was told the procedure would be quick and safe, allowing me to continue my activities the next day. I turned to the nurse and told her I didn't think I could go through with it. She held my hand, telling me it would be over in a few minutes. Before I could reply, the suction machine was turned on, causing tremendous pain. I was frightened, it hurt so much. I wanted to scream.

I wanted it to stop. I suddenly knew there was a baby inside. They were killing my baby! Limping to the recovery room I felt nauseated, weak and defeated. I couldn't stop crying, and neither could the other women there. My life was irreversibly changed at that moment. I cried for days and weeks - eventually years. I felt so dirty, so guilty, so unworthy to live. I could have died from the operation and that my future ability to carry a baby full term had been lessened.

I would end up sobbing in a corner, fearful I was going crazy. It culminated one evening when I tried to cut my wrists with a broken plate. This desperate act scared me into getting help. Through counseling I let go of my anger and accepted the forgiveness that Jesus offers. Months later I forgave myself and began to mourn the loss of my child."

Stacey (New Zealand)

My Name is Stacey. I am 37 years old. In June, 2003, I had an abortion due to the doctor's advice, because of a medical condition. I am now absolutely devastated, as, after a lot of research on the internet, [I learned] my condition could have been closely monitored. And to top it off, they tied my tubes while I was in there. I find I'm now suffering a lot of guilt, and cry a lot. I just want my baby back, and I don't know how to stop feeling like I'm in a hole, and can't get out.

Vicki Cooper (England)

I can't speak for everyone else's experiences of abortion clinics but I can honestly say mine was fairly horrendous.

There were about 20 of us, all herded into this one room where we had to sit and just wait. It was totally white and it reminded me of the inside of a mental hospital. We had to sit and read ancient copies of women's magazines until we were called for various things like questions about our health and having cervix softening pessaries put inside us.

And the smell, Oh my God, I will never forget it. My sense of smell had heightened anyway, I'd found, during my pregnancy (I was 13 1/2 weeks gone at the time) which made the whole thing worse. It was all chemically and really nauseating.

At no point did anyone ask me 'are you OK with this? are you sure you want to go ahead with it?' Some of the nurses were verging on the hostile. One of them even told me how she had ovarian failure as if to say 'I can't have kids and look at you killing yours.'

It was just like a production line, passed on from person to person, finally wheeled into the operating theatre where I was knocked out. I wasn't treated as an individual at a highly emotional time in her life, but as just another nuisance girl in trouble. The whole experience has coloured how I feel about my abortion. I still feel as though I did something awful and wrong because that was the way I was treated.

Afterwards, there were 3 stages of recovery before I was allowed to go home. First, I was sat in my cubicle on the trolley I had gone in on and was given some water (I'd had a general so I hadn't been allowed to eat or drink from several hours before the op) and then I was allowed to come and sit with the other girls and drink some orange squash and eat a couple of biscuits.

This is when I got talking to a few of them. In some perverse way I was glad to be around girls who were going through the same thing. We were even laughing about things like how our boobs had grown during our pregnancy. I think we were still a little bit in shock. I remember feeling relieved, but it hadn't really all sunk in yet. Then the lines we'd had put into the backs of our hands were taken out as we were ready to progress to the next stage at various times. The next room was much smaller, we a TV and a a toilet next door. I had to go and see how much I was bleeding and whether or not I could pee OK.

After that I was allowed to go. An orderly carried my bag for me as I went out to meet my boyfriend. This was the only point when anyone treated me with any great kindness. She told me to take care and that my boyfriend was to do everything for me for the next 24 hours. And I left, no counselling, nothing.